Till We Are Home

I’ve said it before, but I think it bears repeating: don’t be afraid to ask your friend about how they are doing in their grief over losing a loved one…even if it’s been years or decades since their loved one died. 

A beloved brother and I caught up recently, sharing updates on family, life, and ministry. As he rolled through the list of my family members, he didn’t forget my youngest. “How are you doing with your grief over Izzy, brother?”

It’s only been three years since I lost my youngest child at the age of fourteen. That feels like a lifetime since last seeing my precious daughter. Yet, that’s not a whole lot of time to pass either. Even so, though it is still fresh on my mind and thoughts of my sweet girl are always swirling in my head, that may not be so for those outside of our family unit. Or, at least, it feels that way.

I’m not really sure how others look at the Bishops these days. I imagine some of them have gotten used to the image of a family of four rather than five. Likely, no one else lives like us with thinking about Isabel as much as we do, which is understandable. The passage of time can work seemingly cruelly to reorient our thoughts to view what’s recent as what is normal for others.

So, I don’t blame anyone or get upset with them if Isabel is not front and center in their minds when they talk to me or anyone of my family. However, please hear me say, it’s so nice to be asked about her. 

Again, I don’t hold any hard feelings against anyone when they don’t ask me about Isabel or how I’m doing these days after her death. That question or line of questioning can be awkward or hard, or maybe others just forget about the grieving part of my life because, BY GOD’S GRACE, we appear “normal”. Nevertheless, I encourage you to ask those in your life about how they are doing since losing their loved one. 

Ask them how they are doing since they lost their loved one. See if they would like to tell you more about them. However, don’t be discouraged if they just don’t want to talk about it, either…just asking shows you care.

When my friend asked how I’m doing with grief these days, it allowed me a chance to release those ever-present feelings and thoughts that swirl constantly since losing Isabel. I felt loved and care for by him. And, I had the opportunity to talk about my girl. She’s not here anymore to make memories with others or do things that I can update people about, so naturally her name isn’t raised as much as the days when she was here. Getting to say my daughter’s name out loud to someone and talk about her, even when it is about my grief over losing her, is a tremendous blessing.

Not everyone will respond that way. And they may not respond that way all the time. However, when you take a step on that bridge over those awkward waters, it shows your friend that you care for them and love them. Give them an opportunity to release those always-swirling emotions and thoughts for as the days increase since their loss, there’s a decrease to how many ask. 

And that’s just life. Yet, I encourage you to demonstrate the New Testament burden-shouldering of Galatians 6:2 and just ask. Your friend’s loss always remains with them. The waves of sorrow may ebb and flow, but I’ll bet you thoughts of their grief always swirl. Your pursuit of them, though, will show not only your love and concern, but it will help them see that the Lord never forgets…for He sent you as a reminder. Your ministry to them glorifies the Lord, brings healing to deep wounds, and offers expectant hope in Christ…

Till we are home…