Till We Are Home

You wake up, clear the fog from the previous night’s sleep, either lay there for a bit or sit on the edge of the bed, then it dawns on you again…you lost your loved one. And, you lose them all over again. 

Or, maybe it’s an experience, a shared joy with the rest of the family, an achievement to celebrate, or a holiday that rolls around, and you remember – again – she’s not there to celebrate with you. And, that experience of loss stings again. 

When each of these fresh experiences of loss happen, one thought that comes to mind is how long it’s been since I last saw my loved one. We think about how much further and further and further away they are. 

How many days has it been since she was taken from my side? That long?? How?? 

How could it be so long since I last saw my little girl?

Children are meant to be sent out. One of the beautiful pictures in the Bible about having children comes from Psalm 127:3-5a which says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” This passage pictures our children as arrows…and what does one do with an arrow? You send it off. 

As your kiddo grows up, there are experiences they may engage in where this practice of launching them out occurs. There may be sleepovers, youth nights, camps, sports tournaments, and many other fun activities where they leave the home for a period of time and then return shortly afterwards. I’m sure many of us find ourselves looking at the empty bed in their room on those nights and missing our kiddo, wishing the time to pass quickly before I can see them again. 

As they grow older, college may come around and they move to live away from home during the semester. They may also get married and find a new home to build with their spouse. Or, quite simply, they eventually get to the age where they are able to make enough money and move out on their own. That empty bed becomes a greater reality that they likely will not return to sleep in, if they didn’t take the bed and the rest of their things with them.

Yet, in each of those scenarios, the child (or now, adult) will return to you. 

You’ll see them again. 

But, sometimes, that empty bed we wander over to will never be filled by them again. And, not only that, but they won’t return to get any of their things…in fact, they won’t return at all.

Whether that experience relates to a child you lost or a spouse or any close loved one, you may find yourself dwelling on that last time you saw that person. At least I do…but, I don’t think I’m alone here. You think about that last word. That last hug. That last activity they were doing. The memories start to get fuzzy, and you can sometimes even question…was she even really real??

I miss my Izzy so much. And, I don’t want to count the days anymore since I last saw her. It would tear me up because I know that number is way bigger than I want it to be. My wife and I used to know that number, and we used to sit in our disbelief over it.

But God…

In the midst of our great sorrow over losing our girl and finding that we were seeing day after day pass by on the calendar since we last saw her, God gave us a different way to see it. Instead of ticking off each day, ticking off each experience without her, we now tell each other that we are one step closer.

Instead of another day that passes since she was here on this earth, we are one step closer to that day we will see her again in glory.

Instead of another experience in life that she does not enjoy with us, we are one step closer to enjoying a million more with her in heaven.

We are one step closer.

We fully realize heaven is not about gathering with family and friends who have departed this life. Our greatest joy in heaven will be Christ, so one step closer is richer and fuller than reuniting with Izzy and others. But, because of Christ, because of God’s great love for His people that He made a way through the broken body and spilt blood of His Son, we also get the extras like gathering with loved ones lost whom He saved.

So, we rejoice in hope as Paul says to the Romans…we rejoice in hope that we are one step closer to that day when we’ll share the rich joys of heaven with Izzy as we gather at the table of the Lamb. We rejoice in hope that though we find her empty bed (now in storage) will never be filled on this side of glory, we are one step closer to counting all of these afflictions as light and momentary as we experience the eternal weight of glory with our Savior. We rejoice in hope, that we are one step closer…

Till we are home…