Till We Are Home

God is pretty upfront about how He works. We all know this verse fairly well: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” (Isa 55:8) How the Lord acts does not always accord with how we necessarily would. This can either result in pleasant surprises or unbelievably difficult circumstances. 

Sometimes it’s a mix of both.

My wife and I were talking about this today. In the spring of 2022, the company I worked for laid me off. I work in pharmaceuticals overseeing clinical trials of drugs. In the world of drug discovery, testing, and manufacturing, more therapies fail than not. Over the past 20 years, I’ve had the privilege to work on many clinical trials, some with success stories and many without. In 2022, I worked for a company that conducted several clinical trials for one compound. In the spring, three of those studies demonstrated that the therapy did not work. 

So, 75% of the employees received the dreaded call informing us we were laid off. 

A horrible call to receive. A horrible feeling to experience. Spring began while my job ended. With its end, came the expected feelings of anxiety, fear, and dread. 

This was the first time in my career to be laid off. I launched into a job search, strategized how we would pay our bills, and prayed, asking the Lord for help. Thankfully, we received a small severance, and it didn’t take entirely too long (2 months) to land a new job. However, in the midst of it all, I felt great concern about how I would provide for my family.

When I was not applying for new positions or talking to recruiters, I took the time to address some things around the house and do my usual chores or projects during the weekdays instead of the weekends. More importantly, I spent extra time with my wife and kiddos. Lazy afternoons swimming in the pool together. Moments taken to read and catch up on the stories we loved. Special runs to get ice cream in the middle of the day or Daddy/Kiddos lunch dates.

Though I had no idea what would come of experiencing job loss and though I felt a good bit of anxiety over it all, the Lord granted us some special moments during that time. Moments that not everyone gets who maintains a 9-to-5 throughout their adult life. Moments made extra special in the uncertainty.

Moments I hold even more dear since those were the last few months and weeks of my youngest girl’s life. 

You see, though the Lord’s providence in taking my job away brought great uncertainty about the future, He actually granted me a gift to spend extra time with Isabel before she went home to the Lord. God’s peculiar providence seemed to zig one way, when, in the end, it zagged another.

He brought blessing in the midst of loss. 

He doled out extreme kindness and grace before my world turned upside down. 

He lovingly gave me more time with my darling girl before I would have no time with her.

His ways truly are not my ways. His thinking not mine, either. And, oh, praise God for this! His peculiar providence can surprise us in ways we could not fathom. Looking back, I’m so thankful I received that call…it turned out to be a greater gift than I could possibly imagine. 

The Lord is always good and does good (Ps 34:8, 145:17-18). We can trust Him and believe His goodness and wisdom guide all He does, even in seemingly hard providences. Who knows, maybe it’ll turn out to be a peculiar providence and you’ll find a hidden blessing in what appeared difficult at first. But, if not, we still can trust Him and find our hope only in Him…

Till we are home…