Till We Are Home

Dear Isabel,

Happy birthday, my darling girl! Seventeen years ago today you came into this world on a snowy day in Franklin, Tennessee. You became my bookend. You made us a complete family of five. Mama and I had so much joy getting to meet you. 

I remember a sweet family from our church coming to visit. Then Mimi brought your big brother and big sister to come and see you. And, I remember “In Christ Alone” released not too long before you were born and playing it on YouTube for you while you slept in the bassinet.

How time flies, my darling! That sweet snowy day doesn’t seem that long ago; yet, oh how much has changed! You were such a precious little baby girl. Your sweetness remained, but you grew up into quite the sassy little girl, too. All who knew you, loved you. And your spunk and sunshine added to your beauty as a young woman. 

Your friends miss you a lot. Every now and then, we’ll talk to them and catch up on how their lives are going. It’s been sweet to hear how they still miss you and think of you. Some will wear yellow or black Converse from time-to-time. Some wear special jewelry. One named her new kitten after you. One of your friends has so many pictures of you on her wall. They’ve painted that big ol’ rock nearby for you several times over the past couple of years with messages of birthday wishes or missing you. Mama and I miss seeing you with them.

We, of course, miss you a ton. It’s been weird not having you here. At times, I’ll find myself expecting to see you come out of your room, to hear you playing the piano in the other room, or wanting to grab five plates when it’s time for dinner. 

It’s especially strange not having you here for your birthday. I loved how you used to get excited for your birthday months ahead of it – always talking about it and reminding us that your birthday was coming up. Then, on the morning of your birthday, you would usually get a goofy grin on your face as you waited for us to make much of the day. It’s hard on the lead up to your birthday because Mama and I (well, mostly Mama) used to shop for your birthday gifts or plan out what we’d do to celebrate. Nowadays during the weeks leading up, we find ourselves staring at old pictures or videos of you wondering what you might be doing now. 

Darling girl, we miss you. We miss you so much. I still can’t believe all of this happened. And I still can’t believe I can’t hug you right now. (You always gave such wonderful hugs with that superhuman strength of yours.)

I’ve asked the Lord to give you a hug and kiss from the four of us and to tell you happy birthday. We are planning to celebrate your birthday as a family. Mama and I will spend some special time together in the morning, then we hope that all four of us will come visit you in the afternoon. Our Best Day celebration will be at night – it’s become a very sweet time for us to glorify God and seek Him and His light in this darkness while also honoring who He made you to be.

My sweet Isabel…I don’t know what else to say. I don’t have to wish you well…you are at the Lord’s side, what else could be better? I don’t have to worry about you…you are home. I don’t have to be concerned if you are having fun or feeling loved or being taken care…our Father does all of that and more for you these days. 

But I’m still your daddy and want to still wish you a very happy birthday. Without that snowy day in Tennessee those 17 years ago, there never would have been your 2^nd birth. There never would have been spunk and sunshine in our lives. There never would have been your sweet dimple. There never would have been ‘Must Trust’ or Danger Monkeys. And I would never have known your sweet love and joy. 

I’m so thankful to the Lord for the life He gave to you. I’m so thankful to the Lord for the fourteen years I could be your daddy. I’m so thankful to the Lord that He rescued you from your sin and you now are at rest in Him…even though that brings me pain these days, I’m still thankful. 

My darling girl, happy birthday. I miss you so very much. But, I love you dearly and can’t wait to see you again. Today, I will do my best to take care of your mama as she misses you, along with your brother and sister, too. We will do our best to be ok and celebrate you and keep looking to the Lord for His grace and help…

Till we are home…