Till We Are Home

The Advent season is upon us, but I’m not sure I’m really feeling it.

Grief is funny that way…a season that used to be one of my favorites is just ‘meh now.

But, I do want to fight against that. Fight to not let my grief rob me of the joy that comes with looking forward to celebrating the birth of our Savior and all the traditions we enjoy along the way. But there’s been a change, a startling change to our family, so how do we go on?

I feel like there needs to be new. New traditions. New ways to celebrate. New ways to look at these holidays. Our lives are not the same since we lost our daughter two years ago. And, so, I’m feeling like we need to face these holidays in a new way.

But I also have a hard time letting go of the old. 

Maybe there’s new ways we can celebrate, and I think we’ll explore some of that this year. But, there’s also remembering the old. Maybe not doing everything like we used to, but remembering the old and finding redemption in this new approach.

These can be stones of remembrance.

After crossing the Jordan River into the Promised Land, Joshua and the nation of Israel stopped what they were doing to set up a memorial of 12 stones to remind themselves and future generations of the mighty acts of God in delivering them from Egypt through the Wilderness and into the land He promised them (see Joshua, chapter 4). These stones were to remember what God had done for them.

I love putting out Christmas lights and inflatables with my children. We’ve done this ever since they were little. Usually, we string the lights and plug in the inflatables, then the kids would get distracted while I finished it all. But every year we looked forward to this. Since losing Izzy, this Christmas tradition has obviously been wracked with pain. The year we lost her, I just couldn’t put up lights. Last year, we started it back up and hope to continue moving forward with it this year.

In our return to decorate the outside of our home last year, my sweet daughter set up her own string of lights right in the middle of our front yard. She took strings of lights to shape them into a giant heart with the letter ‘I’ for Isabel right in the middle of it. My darling girl set up a stone of remembrance for her sister. This stone of lights reminds my daughter of the sweet sister she has. The giant heart is her pictographic way of showing how great her love for Isabel is and how much she misses her. And, it’s a way to also remind the world of Isabel…drive up to our house during December, see the giant heart of lights, and remember our girl.

A stone of remembrance for Isabel. But even more so, this giant heart with Isabel’s initial in the middle of it reminds us of the great Giver of that sweet girl’s life that we love so very much. God granted us 14 years with such a sweet daughter and sister. God granted us 14 years of love and laughter and wonderful days with her. And God guaranteed great future days with her, worshipping our Lord together through the blood of the Lamb that purchased her life.

So maybe we start to find new ways to celebrate this season. Some of those older traditions we may revisit again, some we may keep. But we will probably also find new ways or redeem older ones to enjoy the Advent season like lighted giant hearts in the middle of our yard. That heart is a sweet reminder to me of our girls’ sisterhood, love, and friendship. But it’s also a reminder to me that God is at work even in the heartache. He is making all things new, even traditions like Christmas lights and inflatables…

Till we are home…