Till We Are Home

Paul tells the church in Corinth that he, “decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.” (1 Cor 2:2) Paul’s desire when he preached the gospel, during his evangelization and gospel seed planting, was to bring nothing offensive about himself or anything else unless it was the words of the gospel. Earlier he said, “(f)or the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing,” (1 Cor 1:18) explaining that those outside of Christ will hear the gospel and think it utterly foolish for they are perishing…they cannot receive the words of life.

People said a lot of things after we loss Isabel. Some helpful things, and some not so helpful whether to our face or that came through other channels. It’s ok, we get it because when tragedy strikes, people naturally begin to wonder why this happened. When hard providences come, all of us can struggle to know what to say whether they are words of wondering or even words to try and comfort.

But, what possibly can be said to help someone who experiences the death of a child or a loved one, or finds themselves in the midst of a very difficult health battle, or becomes the victim of a heinous and horrific crime?

Again, we get it. We still feel inadequate to comfort anyone facing these sorrows or a myriad of other hard providences. We know that we sometimes stumble through our own words, bringing trite platitudes at times. But I think what Paul told the church in Corinth can help us all remember that we don’t have to win all the battles at once. 

Paul’s mission was the gospel. He went into areas of the world that did not know Christ, had not yet received the good news of the gospel, so he desired to come in and speak only the gospel. He didn’t want to win culture wars. He didn’t want to slam them for the likely many ways their sin led them to behave the way they did. He didn’t want to upend their political systems.

His focus alone was on Christ – the One they needed most in that time.

Similarly, in times of tragedy, hard providence, difficult seasons, and trials, what that person or family needs to hear most is…sorrow. Their hearts are speaking the language of sorrow in those moments, so bring words of sorrow alongside them. We all know you don’t know what to say, and that’s ok. Let me give you an example.

Just a few days after losing my daughter I took a nap. I needed a retreat from my grief. Just needed to sleep and not mourn. After I awoke, one of my friends was over at the house and came into the room with me. Both of us knew our Word. Both of us spent hours talking theology over the years and we both loved the Lord. His theological chops are solid. 

What I was wrestling with was Rom 8:28. “Brother,” I asked, “how can this be good?”

My brother did not try to explain the next verse that all this would one day lead me to be better conformed to the image of Christ. He didn’t try to help me see that God’s ways are not my ways. He didn’t take the moment to worry about if I was walking away from the Lord. He didn’t do any of those things that we fear we “have” to do.

My brother simply said, “I don’t know.” He spoke this in a very sincere and confused way, just like I felt.

And that was exactly what I needed in that moment. All those other things are 100% true and I’m thankful for the Lord’s work in our hard days. But my heart was speaking sorrow, and my brother spoke that language with me. Simple. True. And helpful.

So, don’t fear you must keep your brothers or sisters on the straight and narrow track of right doctrine when times of trial come. The Lord will do that. They are speaking sorrow in that day…you speak sorrow with them, too.

And, don’t wonder aloud to them about all the why’s that you’ve heard or even thought yourself as to how this happened. Remember, Job’s friends did, too, and God corrected them. 

What your friend needs most is your love, your hugs, your presence, and to be like Paul and know nothing but sorrow in those moments…

Till we are home.